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Post Tue Aug 18, 2009 10:40 pm

I am so angry.....

My son, in a fit of rage today took it out on my lovely bike. (1979 Honda cb750 in almost mint condition) Damaged the tank, dented and mounts seem to have shifted as tank is now at an angle, side panel split along the length, panniers ripped off, (they were locked on solid as I used the bike on Sunday) Screen and mirrors all twisted. Tax disc holder smashed. Rear footpeg bent and is now unusable. Forward peg bent. Screen shifted to the side. And god know what else I havn't found yet.
I am so upset, if it wasn't for my wife he would be in hospital now.
I have never sworn in front of my son for 16 years but now I have made up for it. This is a side of me I have never known. My son lied to me and tried to tell me that the dent in the tank was made by a fishing reel falling from the rafters. Needless to say when I pointed out the rest of the damage and asked him to explain the rest of the damage he was speachless.
My wife works for child abuse and that was all that held me back from punching his lights out. Even though he got a damn good shoving around the garage. In frustration I picked up a small lump hammer and smashed his reel to bits then turned and laid into his KX85 smashing his handlebars. The lump hammer went flying somewhere and I couldn't find it, it was all that stopped me from smashing his bike up in front of him.
I must add here that I have the patients of a Saint and I am not a violent man. I usually bite my tongue rather than have a confrontation. But my son crossed the line on this one. He has seen a side of me not even I thought I would see. I think I frightened the Holy Sh1t outa him.
I will probably regret what I have done in time but he has now broken my heart in more ways than one.
We have given him everything that we can afford and this is the way he has shown his gratitude. I don't know what to do now I am so upset.

Sorry but I have no-one else to share my frustration with, I hope you don't mind.
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Post Tue Aug 18, 2009 10:46 pm

Its hard to say and take on board, but at the end of the day the bike can be fixed (might cost a bit though), your son can not. Hopefully when the dust settles he will see the damage he has done (not just physically to the bike) in your eyes by letting you down so much. Provide the chance for redemption and see how he takes it, but make it a tough challenge.


Take the fishing reel and mount it in a box frame display case for posterity, could be a good ice breaker!!!
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Post Tue Aug 18, 2009 10:48 pm

I feel your pain Mike - really I do.

I remember when I was 17 - I thought my Father new nothing. By the time I was 21 I was amazed at how much he had learned.

You have every right to be angry with him - but I hope you can forgive him and lead by example showing him what it takes to be a man.

Good luck Mike - parenting is the toughest job in the world :D
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Post Tue Aug 18, 2009 10:49 pm

Are you sure he meant to do it though mate, maybe hes been sitting on it and its toppled? or do you mean it was done in purpose?

if it was meant the best way to punish him is to get him to pay for the parts to be replaced each week.
as you said your a calm guy and your out of character rage will have told him something already. don't reduce yourself to hitting him, it won't make matters better and may have a lasting impact on him that you will regret for years to come.

as for posting and sharing... batter the hell out of this post mate... vent as much as you want. its understandable. a couple of cups a tea and few posts and you will be back to normality. :D
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Post Tue Aug 18, 2009 11:08 pm

Rob it was in frustration over a scooter. His friends are all getting scooters and we have looked at some second hand ones, but like the Nike wearing lookalike kids he has to have this particular brand and no other will suffice. Of course it is also the most expensive. He is not working so has no money and we are trying to teach him the value of money by not just going out and buying it for him. He is very argumentative at the best of time but we try our best. He knows my bike is MY pride and joy so has seen it as a way to get back at me. (for what I still can't work out) Last weekend we went to see a scooter. Excellent value for money, the guy was also throwing in all his bike gear as well and it was well within my budget, but he didn't want it as it was not the brand he wanted.
My son has also destroyed his mobile phone and pulled his wardrobe door off its hinges and smashed the door to pieces. I only found this out after my outburst.
My wife has promised to take him to some anger management place tomorrow.
I still can't believe what I done to his bike in REVENGE!
My heart is broken! :cry:
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Post Tue Aug 18, 2009 11:18 pm

Mike how old is your boy?
I am also shocked that he would react this way.
I feel very bad for you, because it seems you have tried to be a good dad.
Perhaps there are extenuating circumstances that he won't or can't tell you about.
Not to make excuses for him.
Here's a hug.
Love....Jill
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Post Tue Aug 18, 2009 11:31 pm

Sleep on it Mike - you should feel less angry tomorrow and hopefully your son will be feeling repentant for his hostility.

Sometimes it doesn't matter how hard you try - you may not be appreciated for all you have done. But I'm sure in years to come he will reflect back and regret his actions. Meantime - all you can do is provide him with a home and security while he goes through the process of growing up.

Meanwhile - spare no expense in fixing up your bike and tell him he'll need to pay for it one day :thumbup2:

The other bit of advice I am reminded of is:-
"Be nice to your kids - cos one day they'll get to choose your nursing home" :-?
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Post Tue Aug 18, 2009 11:50 pm

Jill, he is 16.
Unfortunately most of his friends have parents with deep pockets, we do not have deep pockets and live accordingly. We have sacrificed a lot to try and keep up with the Jones's but this is obviously not good enough for him.

I know the bike can be repaired but for example to replace just the tank would be like looking for hens teeth to find one of the right colour and A/1 condition. I was so proud of that bike and have put it in many shows it is in that good condition.
Tomorrow is another day, lets see if the sun will shine. Lets hope my son has learnt a valuable life lesson.
Thank you all for your support.
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Post Tue Aug 18, 2009 11:57 pm

Mike try the silent treatment.
That's what my dad did to me on the one time I was ever bad.
Oh it cuts like a knife.
Even if you want to tear his head off, say nothing and shun him.
The damage cannot be repaired, and his lack of respect is quite troubling.
The silent treatment and also no allowance/financial anything (even new school clothes) till Christmas at the earliest.
He will hate you.
But then eventually, even if it takes 10 years, he will realize what a good dad you are.
It will be harder on you than him.
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Post Wed Aug 19, 2009 12:01 am

wow you done really well not knocking the s**t out of him, forget child abuse this is a clear case of parent abuse :(

If I had done this to my old man he would have bounced me around that garage & I would have rightly deserved it but that's not politically correct nowadays :roll:

I''m sure the real cost is going to be the long term damage he's created to your relationship with him, shame :(
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Post Wed Aug 19, 2009 12:07 am

I have told him he can forget a scooter now as he has shot himself in the foot. Trouble is he wants to go to college and the bus fare alone comes to £50 per month. The only reason we agreed to buy him the scooter is that it was going to cost us as much in bus fare as the scooter would eventually cost, and it would give him more freedom as well.

Jill the silence treatment has started and will last a long time. But now I am at loggerheads with my wife as she always takes his side.

Where did I go wrong :(
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Post Wed Aug 19, 2009 12:21 am

sorry mike no advise but big hugs and xxx's
hope it comes back right.


Lynn
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Post Wed Aug 19, 2009 12:42 am

i feel for you Mike for all the upset this has caused.
but i think that £50 a month is cheap to keep him off two wheels for a year or so. i hate 50 cc scooters but love bikes.
i might consider a way forward as to encourage him to help in repairing your and his bikes together. and make a point of taking him to college on yours now and again.( fantastic street cred for him ) teaching him respect for the road as you go.

as phill said being a dad is never easy.

chris
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Post Wed Aug 19, 2009 1:02 am

That's a shame Mike, that's a nice classic bike.
He should count himself lucky he can still walk.

I have kids but nothing has happened like this yet touch wood.

Forget about buying him a scooter. How about he works part time to repair your bike first, then buys himself whatever model scooter he likes.

Sounds like your wife needs to leave her social worker attitude at work and back you up too.
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Post Wed Aug 19, 2009 3:02 am

Simple. Tell him you got so angry over the bike because of how hard you worked to get it and that's why you loved it so much.

If he really loves this scooter he wants then he'll work just as hard to get it. Then give him the opportunity to get it. If he takes that opportunity then its up to him.

Are kids allowed to be on the road alone over there at 16?
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Post Wed Aug 19, 2009 7:16 am

If I read this right Mike, nothing here is accidental, it was a deliberate destruction spree because he didn't get his own way. Kids get up to all sorts of mischief, but this is serious and, in my opinion, drastic action is required.

If he were mine, I'd tell him that if he wasn't satisfied with how I was bringing him up then he should provide for himself. Then I'd throw him out.

I'm sorry if that sounds harsh, but It sounds like he's an angry young man who is never going to be satisfied with anything in this life and, if he is to have any hope of salvation, a hard, serious lesson is required.

If, and only if, he changed his attitudes would I allow him back in the house. A second offence would mean automatic permanent removal from my household.

As for college - forget it. He wouldn't be able to go because I wouldn't support him. Again, if his attitude changed, that decision could be reviewed next year but, in the meantime he must feel the consequences of his actions.

You have my sympathy Mike.
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Post Fri Aug 21, 2009 7:32 pm

DAMAGE REPORT

Tank dent.
Image

Tank dent & chips & scratches.
Image

Side panel split across whole length of panel.
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Rear footpeg bracket bent.
Image

Forward peg bolt bent.
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Batery bracket bent. White highlights on side of battery is actually stresses in the battery wall
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Chip on bottom of tank. Carbs pushed out of the rubber boots. Edge of carb broken off.
Image

Damage to carb.
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Carbs pushed out of the rubber boots.
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Airbox mounting bolt sheared off. Carbs pushed out of boots and boots pulled out of airbox.
Image

There are a few odd little scatches on the engine cases, not worth photographing. Throttle cables all jumped out of their brackets.
Luckily there was no damage to the panniers, but how the hell he got them off without breaking something I don't know.
Tank doesen't sit level and I can't work out why yet.
I am now well pi$$ed off after seeing the carb damage.
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Post Fri Aug 21, 2009 8:05 pm

You have my sympathy. I hope you both can get beyond this, but the healing won't come over night. That said you have to start somewhere. It's probably you that will need to lead the way. This isn't a school yard scrap or it wouldn't be so hard. It's something that you'll both carry all your lives. I'm not a believer in the silent treatment. Although effective, it doesn't resolve anything. Communication, even at an elevated pitch is the only answer with marriage, children, partners and friends. Laurie and I have raised two children. Sometimes you'd wish you never had them. Now we have our first grandchild, what a blessing. Grandchildren... God's reward for not strangling our own kids.
I don't want to make light of your situation, but it's just part of the deal, that we blindly go into when we have children. They don't tell you to expect to have your heart broken, but then no one told our parents either. Since I'm at it, you need to mount a common front with your wife. You both are right and you both are wrong. Find some common ground. Start with, what can we do in the best interest of our son's future.
All the best Mike, forgive me for going on, but I really do care that this is resolved.
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Post Fri Aug 21, 2009 8:55 pm

Having seen the damage, I have changed my mind about the silent treatment.
I would scream at that kid so loud I would probably be hoarse for a week.
Then I would do the silent treatment.
I am not trying to sound like a psychologist, but damaging something beloved to you, so severely, by an older teen seems like the boy may almost need some sort of anger management counseling.
That anyone could be so malicious is startling to me.
There is no way I would buy him anything again, ever, or fund anything for him, until he paid out of his own pocket to repair the damage. If it's possible to repair.
Really sorry for you, Mike, and I wish I had an answer.
I can't imagine how sick at heart you must feel.
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Post Fri Aug 21, 2009 9:48 pm

Stick 'em in the army! They don't put up with that sort of foolishness and mayhem. It's straightened a few of my friends out.
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Post Fri Aug 21, 2009 10:14 pm

Simon Strom wrote:Stick 'em in the army! They don't put up with that sort of foolishness and mayhem. It's straightened a few of my friends out.


Sorry Simon, that is not the answer the army don't want people who have that sort of attitude, but they do want people to train to do damage and mayhem on demand,

Mike I sort of agree with John, but difficult to enforce on your own offspring.

I dont want to sound Goody Goody, but maybe the counseling route may be a way to go, there must be underlyng reasons why your son has done this, and it is serious, so if you can, maybe take the advice of a professional, rather than from us mere signmakers, its a difficult call.

Hope it works out for you.

Peter
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Post Fri Aug 21, 2009 10:15 pm

Simon Strom wrote:Stick 'em in the army! They don't put up with that sort of foolishness and mayhem. It's straightened a few of my friends out.


Our Army is full up!!!
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Post Fri Aug 21, 2009 10:20 pm

Are you sure it is about not getting the scooter?
The end of the film 'Ferris Bueller's day off' comes to my mind....
maybe a cry for attention?!? :o
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Post Fri Aug 21, 2009 11:05 pm

Angelique Muller wrote:maybe a cry for attention?!? :o


He has had one to one attention since he was born so don't think that is the problem. He has had an anger problem for quite a few years, will always turn the simplest conversation to an argument. I simply don't know why. :evil:
What I can't get over is that through simple bl00dy mindedness he turned down a good scooter for the stupidest of reasons, he could be happily riding around on it now if it wasn't for this attitude he has. He has broken a few phones before, usually when his mates get the latest one and he is jelouse, but he has always bought his own phones so I didn't care, but the attack on my bike was totally uncalled for.
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Post Fri Aug 21, 2009 11:14 pm

Mike would he be afraid to ride the scooter?? just a thought some people don't feel safe on two wheels??


Lynn
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Post Fri Aug 21, 2009 11:20 pm

you have my sympathy too mike, and im with john childs all the way on this one, because i cannot tolerate disrespect but that's just me, and I sincerely do hope you get things sorted :D
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Post Fri Aug 21, 2009 11:42 pm

Lynn wrote:Mike would he be afraid to ride the scooter?? just a thought some people don't feel safe on two wheels??
Lynn


Lynn, he has KX85cc off road bike and is a very competent rider. He has blown the head gasket on it twice now. :roll:
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Post Fri Aug 21, 2009 11:46 pm

This is him on his first bike, a 125cc pit bike.

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Post Sat Aug 22, 2009 9:07 am

I've seen this kind of reaction (maybe not on this scale) a few times with family and friends and I am a firm believer that not getting every thing you desire as a kid and possibly suffering ribbing and maybe even bullying, actually makes you a better person than having it too easy at an early age

No help at all to you Mike but I hope you get it sorted
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Post Sat Aug 22, 2009 2:25 pm

On the scooter front knowing what the little scrotes ( technical term ) are like around here that BUZZ around on them I think he would find himself getting in more trouble.

Helping the lad out to get from A to B is one thing.........hopefully oneday he will learn he doesn't have to impress his mates by becoming a sheep.

Without wishing to seem like an old ( PARDON ME ).......It seems all kids for some reason expect to have everything at the drop of a hat. Maybe all the money borrowing has more down sides than just the credit crunch.

Good luck Mike.
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Post Sun Aug 23, 2009 12:41 am

In a very quiet, calm and sedate way let him know things have changed....it will also be the truth...

Cheers

Andrew

[from a family 5 troublesome boys, especially 2 who turned ok :D :D
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Post Mon Aug 24, 2009 2:30 pm

OMG! You are a stronger man than me, I am afraid I would not have been able to keep my hands off of him :evil: Wrong or not!
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Post Tue Aug 25, 2009 10:35 am

Mike, what an awful situation you have there.

I'm with Duncan though, Communication is the key.

My son had anger management problems from being bullied at school. He couldn't fight the bullys, so he expressed it at home, usually toward my wife and daughter.

The wife and I sat him down over a meal at a restaurant one day, rewarding him for good marks, and when the mood was relaxed, we asked him if he was happy at school, or did he have any problems.. He opened up very freely telling us how he was tormented by his 'friends' because he didn't smoke or take drugs, or swear.

We actually moved to a new school district to give him a fresh start. He was much better and found some new friends that thought more like him.

He didn't get off scott free though. He had to apologise to his mother and sister, and he got nothing until his attitude changed.

Even now when he comes home from school with a chip on his shoulder, I'll tell him quietly that he needs to pull his socks up or there will be trouble.

Have you considered your son may be dabbling with drugs? no offence meant, but that can trigger mood swings.
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Post Tue Aug 25, 2009 1:34 pm

Jill the silence treatment has started and will last a long time. But now I am at loggerheads with my wife as she always takes his side.


my twopennce worth, here in lies the solution you need to have a sensible conversation with er indoors and provide a united front because thats what kids need.

god knows I have trouble with getting my better half to sing from the same hymn sheet as me on more than one occasion and I can empathise with you having had big rows with my lad once or twice.

But as said show love and strength in equal measure, take the lead to demonstrate the way forward not dwell too long on whats happened.

Good luck pal.

John :D
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Post Tue Aug 25, 2009 1:49 pm

That's some serious damage mate and all because he didn't get his own way.
I'm with John on this one. I know throwing him out would be hard to do but I think he is suffering from serious Kevin & Perry syndrome and he needs to get sorted. What happens if he does this to someone elses property? He'd get a good kicking and end up needing 24 hour care and for what...spitting his dummy out? Feel for you mate and don't feel guilty for expressing your anger on here mate...we understand were you're coming from. :wink:
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Post Wed Aug 26, 2009 7:16 am

Sorry to buck any PC trends here but he'd be on a right hander if it was my son.

Where did the saying "Cop it on the chin come from???"

I feel really bad for you mate
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Post Wed Aug 26, 2009 12:36 pm

I Have Three kids 21 18 17 two boys and a girl there not angels but they would'nt dream of even slamming the door in our house, They've seen my temper. Sorry mate if I'am out of order but he sounds like a spoilt brat to me.

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